On the streets of Atlas City, a commotion was attracting a crowd.  “A fight!  A fight!”  Bystanders crowded around to see.

“Why do you two have to be such stubborn idiots?” demanded Kaoru Kamiya.

“You get your way too much!” Misao Makimachi retorted.  “At least listen to our ideas for a change!”

“Maa, maa,” Kenshin tried to temporize.  “Either way is all right, so why not do what Kaoru-dono wants?”

“Himura, I personally don’t care to follow Kaoru Kamiya’s ideas in this matter,” was Aoshi’s stiff reply.

“But sessha thinks Kaoru-dono is right about this,” Kenshin protested.

“That’s not true!” Misao objected.  “Kaoru-san’s just saying what she wants!”

“You guys are the ones goin’ on about what you want!” Yahiko snapped.  “All I wanna do is eat!”

“My decision is based on experience!  The best food in Atlas City is the beef hot pot at the Kurobeko!”  Kaoru pointed at a restaurant bearing the sign of a nodding black cow.

“Yanagitampo Ramen!” Misao pointed to another sign.

The crowd of bystanders, seeing that it was only an argument about where to have lunch, evaporated.

Kaoru sighed.  “Come on, Kenshin, Yahiko, let’s go get our hot pot, and those two losers can have their ramen.  They can find their own inn too.”

No one noticed the two watchers in the garb of kempo masters.  When the rest of the bystanders left, they simply faded into the shadows.

“Yumm, this is delicious,” Kaoru enthused   “Too bad about Aoshi and Misao, they’re missing a great meal!”

“That’s right!” Yahiko mumbled with his mouth full.

“Oro?”  Kenshin looked up as a shadow fell across him.

The man who stood behind Kenshin was past his first youth, but still distinguished and handsome.  His face bore few lines and there was no trace of gray in the straight black hair that fell past his shoulders.  He wore the clothing of a kempo master and moved like he could handle himself against almost any opponent.

“You appear to be a traveling kendoka-mahoutsukai and a rurouni,” he said to them.  “Would you be interested in taking a job?”

“Who are you?” Kaoru demanded with her mouth full.

“My name is Soun Tendou,” the newcomer replied.  “I am the bodyguard of ‘Karakuri’ Jinnai, director of the Atlas City Sorcerers Guild.  You may be interested in what I have to say…”

“This is delicious, Aoshi-sama!” Misao exclaimed.  “Kaoru-san and Himura are missing a great meal!”

“Indeed,” Aoshi agreed.

A shadow fell across their table.  They looked up to see a stout middle-aged man dressed in a martial artist’s white gi, tied with the black belt that indicated a master.  A white kerchief covered his head, and he wore spectacles that looped around his ears to keep them on during vigorous physical activity.  “You appear to be a traveling mercenary and a priestess,” the stranger announced.   “Would you be interested in taking a job?”

“Who are you?” Misao demanded with her mouth full.

“My name is Genma Saotome,” the newcomer introduced himself.  “I’m the bodyguard of Professor Amagi, director of the Atlas City Sorcerers Guild.  “You may be interested in what I have to say…”

“Well, to make a long story short, the former director disappeared suddenly, and the Guild will vote on a new director next month.”  Jinnai was a short man with reddish hair and a blue patch covering almost half of his wizened face.  He looked for all the world like a monkey.  Rumor said it was because of a failed experiment with transformation magic in his youth, and that was why he had devoted his career to the construction of wind-up mechanical golems, hence his nickname, Karakuri.  One served his visitors now, an exquisite little miko who brought cups of tea on a tray.  “The leading candidates are myself and Professor Amagi.  But Amagi is a cheating crank who doesn’t want a fair election.  He’s hired mercenaries, and it’s gotten to the point where I need a bodyguard.  Once I’m elected, of course I’ll throw him out of the Guild.”

“But what if Professor Amagi wins?” asked Yahiko.

“There’s no way that could happen,” Jinnai chortled.  “He has a little personality problem…”

“Jinnai, Jinnai, Jinnai, Jinnai!  You think you can be the next director?  I tell you it’s going to be me!”  Professor Amagi pounded on the controls of his wheeled chair in rage.  The chair shot backwards and was caught by one of his female attendants.

“Calm down, Ojiisan!” Misao cried.  “You’re going to burst a blood vessel!”

“For the sake of the Guild, Professor Amagi has to find a way to deal with Jinnai,” Genma Saotome explained.

“Damn him, damn him, damn him, damn him!” Amagi sputtered.  “I don’t think Jinnai wants a fair election at all!  Otherwise why would he hire mercenaries?  You two – get rid of them for me, and teach Jinnai a lesson!”

“It looks like nothing but a pointless power struggle,” sighed Kaoru.

“But it pays well de gozaru yo,” Kenshin pointed out.

“I can’t believe I hired myself out to take down a couple of traveling mercenaries!” Kaoru grumbled.

“Whaddya mean, Busu?” Yahiko objected.  “It’s a great job!  Piece of cake, and good pay…”

“I wonder where Aoshi and Misao-dono are,” mused Kenshin.

“Who cares?” sniffed Kaoru.  “Probably still stuffing their faces with ramen.”

And headed in the opposite direction…

“I won’t forgive that Jinnai, trying to influence an election by force,” fumed Misao.

“I don’t think we should take everything Amagi says as the absolute truth,” Aoshi opined.  “This looks like nothing but a power struggle.”

“Then why did you accept the job to clean out Jinnai’s mercenaries?” Misao asked.

“It pays well,” the chimaera replied.  “As one who can do nothing but fight, it’s no concern of mine who runs the Atlas City Sorcerers Guild.”

“So this is where Amagi lives,” Kaoru gazed at the tall white tower.  “The question is, how do we tear it apart?”

“Demolish it de gozaru ka?” Kenshin asked.  “Kaoru-dono, what are you planning?”

“To fireball the gate and blow it up.”

“Maa, maa, won’t that get you in trouble with the city guards de gozaru ka?”

“So what would you do, Kenshin?” asked Yahiko.

“Are you the mercenaries Jinnai hired?” a new voice interrupted.  A stocky man in a white gi stood in midair, barring their way.  “You aren’t what I was expecting, but no matter.  The Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts will take care of you guys.”

“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep,” Kaoru retorted.  “After all, you can’t attack if you’re levitating yourself.”

The stout martial artist laughed.  “The Saotome School specializes in midair techniques,” he replied, and launched himself at Kaoru.

Lighting!

Brilliant light flared from Kaoru’s bokken.  Saotome stopped and tried to peer through it, unable to see his target.  Kaoru rose above his head and dropped like a stone, smashing him to earth.

“Are you the mercenaries Amagi sent?” Soun Tendou demanded.  He wore a full suit of samurai armor and carried a naginata.  “You aren’t at all what I was expecting, but no matter.  I shall dispose of anyone who threatens Jinnai-sensei.”  His naginata glowed with magical energies.  “I’ll teach you to respect my power!”

Aoshi drew his kodachi.  “I’ll teach you what real power is.”  He drew his kodachi and blurred into Kaiten Kenbu.

“Are you stupid or something?” Jinnai raged.  “What do you mean you defeated Amagi’s mercenaries!  He’s got some real killers working for him!”

“A heartless magic-using swordsman and a crazy priestess,” groaned Soun Tendou, his voice muffled by heavy bandages.

“We must have passed them on the street,” Kaoru murmured.  “What can we do?”

“Go and teach them how foolish it is to oppose me!” sputtered Jinnai.

“You… you IDIOTS!” Amagi screamed.  “What do you mean you beat Jinnai’s mercenaries!  Look what they did to my bodyguard!  He still has some real killers working for him!”

“A smart-mouthed magic-using onna-kendoka and a clueless swordsman,” groaned Genma Saotome, his voice muffled by heavy bandages.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Misao blinked.  “We thought the man we faced was…”

“You’ll have no complaints if we defeat them, right?” Aoshi interrupted.

“I’ll be happy if you just drive them away,” sighed Amagi.  “I don’t really want the public to find out about this… what’s going on?  Why is it so cold?”

Aoshi went to the window.  Amagi’s tower was completely encased in ice.  He extended a stone-tipped hand.  “Now they’re insulting us,” he murmured.”

Fireball!

“Oh ho ho, that was good!” Jinnai beamed.  “You sealed Amagi in ice?”

“Along with the crazy girl and the heartless magic-using swordsman,” Kaoru replied.  “So where’s our pay?”

Jinnai rummaged in his desk.  “Right, the payment…”

The house began to shake.

“What’s happening?” Kaoru demanded.  “A storm…?”

The tower rocked on its foundations.

“Is someone controlling the wind?” Kaoru yelled.

“That should take care of them,” smirked Aoshi.

“Right!” agreed Misao.  “We’d better get out of here now.”  They levitated away.

“They aren’t encased in ice, are they?” Jinnai demanded.

“Now I’m really mad!” snapped Kaoru.  “Let’s go, Kenshin!  And this time, you do something to them!”

“That’s good,” Amagi beamed.  “You really fixed Jinnai this time.  Now for your payment… huh?”  There was a noise from outside, and a faint scent drifted by on the breeze.  The scent grew stronger…

“Oi, Kenshin, this is heavy!” Yahoko complained.  “Can’t you find an easier way to do it?”

“Sessha cannot use magic de gozaru yo,” Kenshin replied.  He and Yahiko flung a large box of garbage onto the heap already in front of Amagi’s door – and beat a hasty retreat just before Aoshi and Misao ran up.

“How could they?” Misao wailed.  “Fresh garbage…”

“This really stinks!” Amagi screamed.  It certainly did.  “You didn’t punish them at all!”

“I won’t forgive them for playing this dirty!” Misao fumed.  “They’ll have to face the Hammer of Justice!”

“I see, I see,” Jinnai purred.  “Amagi is… what?”  He looked outside.  His round tower was covered with childish doodles.  “You… you didn’t punish them at all!!  I’m starting to regret I ever hired you people!”

“Oi, jijii,” Yahiko retorted, “this is a lot better’n what we did to Amagi’s tower.”

“What do you mean it’s better?” Amagi snarled.

“It shows that Jinnai’s bodyguards are useless,” Misao explained.

“I didn’t hire you to show that they’re useless!” the old sorcerer screamed.  “”I know – we’ll handle it this way.  We’ll issue a challenge and you can meet in a secret place to have a showdown with those mercenaries.”

“I refuse to be used like that,” Aoshi objected.

“You said at the start you’d take care of Jinnai’s bodyguards!”

“Yes, I have the perfect place,” Jinnai chortled.  “There are some ruins north of the city.  We can use those…”

“Do you really want us to have a showdown?” Kaoru asked.

“If you beat Amagi’s bodyguards I’ll double your pay!” Jinnai offered.

“What?”  Kaoru stared at Misao.

“What?”  Misao blinked at Kaoru.

“What are you guys doing here?” they chorused.

“So Amagi’s bodyguards the heartless magic-using swordsman and the crazy priestess are…” Yahiko chuckled.

“So Jinnai’s bodyguards are… a smart-mouthed magic-using onna-kendoka and a clueless swordsman?” Aoshi murmured.

“Hey, who’s calling me smart-mouthed?” Kaoru demanded.

“And I’m crazy?” protested Misao.

“Well, Kenshin, you are pretty clueless sometimes,” Yahiko grinned.

“Oro?”

“But a heartless, magic-using swordsman…” Aoshi murmured to himself.

Misao whacked him across the head.  “You actually like that description, don’t you, Aoshi-sama?”

“Never mind that,” Aoshi cut her off.  “What do we do now?”

“If we don’t beat Amagi’s bodyguards, we don’t get paid,” Kaoru pointed out.

“The same goes for us,” the chimaera replied.

“It’ll work if you two pretend to lose…” began Kaoru.

“No way!” Misao sputtered.  Kaoru turned to look at her, but Misao had jumped into a tree.  “You, the lackeys of the evil Jinnai, are the ones who should lose!”

“What?” Kaoru demanded.

“Only a real loser would sell out for money and allow herself to be tricked by a villain!”

“But you guys did exactly the same thing!” Kaoru squawked.

“To ally oneself with a villain is evil by another name!” declaimed Misao.  “Justice is with me!”  Her pose would have impressed the New Ginyu Force.  “On behalf of Justice I shall right wrongs and triumph over evil – and that means you!”

An explosion shook the ground.  Misao narrowly avoided falling out of the tree.

“What was that noise?”  Kaoru and the others raced toward the center of town.

The streets were filled with gelatinous blue and purple blobs that bounced around like so many squishy rubber balls, engulfing anything in their path.

“Low-level magic beasts?” wondered Misao.  “Where are they coming from?”

“Help me!” screamed a fat merchant, struggling in the grip of one of the creatures.  Yahiko drew his shinai and gave it a hard whack.  It splattered.

“They really are low-level beasts,” Kaoru remarked.  “You couldn’t kill strong ones that easily.”

“The problem is their sheer numbers,” noted Aoshi as he dispatched several with a sweep of his kodachi.

“Help!” screamed Misao as one of the things swallowed her.  It disintegrated under a strong blow from Kaoru’s bokken.

Kaoru gagged.  “Phew, what is this?  It smells really bad!”

“The smell isn’t the only bad thing!” wailed Misao.  “It’s slimy and icky and gross!”

“Just stay away from me, weasel girl!”  Yahiko backed away, holding his nose.

“There’s no end to them de gozaru yo.”  Kenshin stood back-to-back with Aoshi, confronted with what looked like a solid wall of the things.

“And even more are showing up!” the chimaera exclaimed.

“We’ll never beat them this way,” Kaoru observed.  “We’ll have to find out where they’re coming from.  Come on, Misao.”  She grabbed the girl’s wrist.

Ray Wing!

The two girls soared skyward.  From their lofty vantage point, the streets of Atlas City were literally filled with slimy blobs.

“Look, Kaoru-san!  There!”  Misao pointed.  The source of the purple blobs was clearly Amagi’s gleaming white tower.

“Looks like you’re working for the bad guys,” Kaoru smirked.  “I’m not surprised he’d unleash a swarm of low-grade magic beasts.  Okay, Misao, hit that place with an Elmekia Lance before the whole city gets slimed.”

With the source of the purple beasts eliminated, it was easy to see where the blue ones were coming from – the round tower of Karakuri Jinnai.  Again, white spirit-energy blasted them into little drops of smelly goo.

“Now all we need to do is take care of the remaining ones,” Kaoru commented.

“And take a bath!” was Misao’s heartfelt rejoinder.

With the slime beasts vanquished, the city elders lost no time in sending the offending sorcerers off to prison.  “Wait, please!” cried Amagi.  “I had nothing to do with those beasts!  It’s all his doing!”

“Let me go!” sputtered Jinnai.  “He did it!”

“Each of them figured they could frame the other by making the beasts appear from the other’s house,” Kaoru explained.  “So they both ended up summoning them.”

“It makes sense,” agreed Aoshi, “but it’s still strange that they would both summon the same type of beasts at the same time.  Not only that, but that they would use summoning magic at all, when both of them are specialists in making golems…”

“Anyway, it looks like they’ll both be expelled from the Guild,” Misao observed as she watched the two arguing wizards driven off to prison.

“Ano…” Yahiko wondered, “are we gonna get paid?”

Misao gasped.  “Oh no!  We haven’t been paid yet!”

“Neither have we!” Kaoru echoed.  She and Misao raced after the prison wagon.

And elsewhere in Atlas City, the two men who had been the disgraced sorcerers’ bodyguards met.

“Tendou-kun…”

“Saotome-kun…”

“It looks like we’re both out of a job,” Genma observed.  “So are you going to open up your school again?”

“Are you?” Soun asked.  “There isn’t enough business in town for two schools.”

“I was thinking that we could join them,” Genma replied.  “If that son of mine were to marry one of your daughters, we could turn the united school over to them and retire while we’re still young enough to enjoy our old age.”

“That’s a fine idea, Saotome-kun!”

“Why don’t we go get a beer and talk about it some more…”

Magical beasts don’t usually come into the human world unless somebody summons them.  But Aoshi’s right, Jinnai and Amagi aren’t summoners, they’re golem-makers.  So maybe they didn’t summon those beasts.  And if they didn’t, who did?  There’s something going on in Atlas City – and we’re right in the middle of it!

Kaoru didn’t notice the figure standing atop the tallest tower in Atlas City.  His robes were decorated with eyes – he even wore eye-shaped baubles in his earlobes.  His own eyes, though, were hidden under a strip of cloth bearing the symbols for “mind” and “eye.”  Whatever that meant, the bandage didn’t impede his vision in the slightest.  He watched Kaoru and her friends for a long moment, then faded into the glow of the setting sun.

NOTES, EXPLANATIONS ETC.

There is indeed something going on in Atlas City – something very rotten indeed!

I’m really having to scrape bottom to come up with miscellaneous idiots.  The two “villains” of this piece are a pair of mad scientists from very different anime – Amagi the demented Professor Machinegal from Moldiver, and Jinnai the gadgeteer from Karasutengu Kabuto.  Their bodyguards are, of course, from Ranma ½, and I couldn’t resist adding their last scene.

So who is the mysterious being who watches Kaoru with his “mind’s eye?”  And who really summoned the stinky beasts?  Find out in the next chapter!  O-tanoshimi ni!