In the kingdom of Furinkan, celebratory fireworks burst all around the palace. On every corner, platforms were set up for performers to entertain the crowds of people who had come to the city for its great festival. Here, a troupe of dancing girls swayed to lilting music. There, a strongman enthralled his audience by bending a bar of iron. The only thing that appeared odd was that all the men wore their hair cropped close to their scalps, and all the women had identical bowl-cuts. And inside a nearby restaurant, under the sign of a nodding white cow…

“We’ll have an extra-large beef hot pot,” Kaoru Kamiya ordered, glancing up at the waitress. “Uh… Tae-san?”

“Ara?” the woman blinked.

“Aren’t you Tae Sekihara, from the Akabeko in Sandoria?”

The woman raised her hand to the back of her head. “Ah, you must have met my sister. This restaurant is the Shirobeko, and my name is Sae.”

“Well, if the food here’s as good as the Akabeko’s, it’s gonna be great!” Yahiko Myoujin piped up.

“By the way, Kaoru-dono,” Kenshin asked, “are you planning to stay long in this city de gozaru ka?’

“Why yes, I told you – what’s going on?”

Shouts of “Fight! Fight!” echoed from the street.

“It ain’t gonna happen!” a voice roared, and a stocky, balding man came flying through the Shirobeko’s doorway. His assailant followed, a big man who defied local custom by wearing a strip of spiky hair down the center of his scalp. “We gotta keep gettin’ more and more radical, otherwise the new world of free hair’ll never get here!” The big man picked his opponent up by the front of his kimono and punched him again, sending him flying into the cubicle where Kaoru and her companions were seated, upending the brazier and scattering the coals.

“Ara, please don’t fight in here,” Sae begged.

“Shut up!” the brawler roared. “No woman’s gonna make me walk away from a fight!”

“Really?” Kaoru stood up, her bokken pointed at the bully’s chest. Tendrils of crimson light wreathed the wooden sword; unseen energies stirred her hair. The other diners scrambled out of the way, realizing that the young woman was not only a kendoka, but a mahoutsukai as well.

Dil Brand!

The blast knocked both combatants through the door and into the street. The bigger one rubbed his jaw. “What in hell happened?”

Kaoru’s figure appeared in the dust-filled doorway, a menacing silhouette. “You guys go on about freedom, well, you’re free to have a fight anywhere you want to,” she said. “But when you involve other people in your fights and then interfere with an innocent girl’s meal, that’s unforgivable. And then, when you decide to mess with Kaoru Kamiya, consider yourselves lucky to get off this easily!”

The big bully drew a sword. “What did you say?”

A blur flashed past, almost too fast to see, leaving behind only an impression of fire-red hair and pink kimono. The bully’s sword fell to the street, in pieces.

“M-m-my sword’s been sliced!” the bully stammered.

“It is dangerous to swing a sword in a crowded street de gozaru yo,” Kenshin murmured. “Besides, if you pick a fight with Kaoru-dono, there is no telling what she might do.”

“I heard that, Kenshin!” Kaoru yelled.

“Even if you say stuff like that, I can’t back out now!” the tough roared. “Now you’re really gonna get it!’

“You really should stop de gozaru yo,” Kenshin advised.

Trumpets blared and banners fluttered in the breeze, signaling the arrival of an ambassador. Princess Misao Makimachi of Seyruun rode through the crowded streets astride a white horse. She smiled and waved at the people, but inside she was nervous. Jiiya, in the name of Seyruun I’ll see this mission through successfully!

“Fight! Fight!” came a cry from the crowd ahead.

She blinked. “A fight?”

“It’s incredible!” a small boy told her. “Some foreign girl kendoka’s taking on three huge guys – they’re all enforcers for the Free Hair Party!”

“Really? Wow!” Misao grinned. It’s been months since I left Kaoru-san and the others… I wonder what they’re all doing now…

“Take that!” a girl screeched from the middle of the battle.

That’s right, Kaoru-san sounded just like that…wait a minute! Kaoru-san?

“You ain’t bad, bitch!” the mohawked tough snarled.

Vu Vraima!

Kaoru directed her bokken’s energy into the ground. It streaked through the earth to a statue behind the toughs. “Go get ’em, big guy!” she cheered.

The bullies blinked at each other. “Huh?”

The statue – a larger-than-life-sized bronze of Shishio the Red Priest – grabbed the toughs by their shirt collars, tossed them into the air, spun them around, and flung them to the earth. Kaoru stuck her bokken back into her hakama ties and dusted her hands together. “Well, I’d say that’s that.”

“Kaoru-san!” the princess cried.

Now it was Kaoru’s turn to blink. “Misao?”

“Kaoru-san!” Misao flew down from her horse and grabbed Kaoru in an undignified and thoroughly undiplomatic glomp. “It’s been so long!”

“What are you doing here, Misao?” Kaoru asked, with a goggle at Misao’s formal robes.

“Ah, it’s Misao-dono de gozaru yo,” Kenshin beamed.

“I see you guys haven’t changed a bit,” the princess smiled. “Still, I never imagined I’d meet you in Furinkan. What are you doing here anyway?”

“Why, we came to get a look at the Book of Furinkan, of course!” Kaoru replied.

“Isn’t that why Misao-dono is here de gozaru ka?” Kenshin asked.

Misao shook her head. “Actually, I’m here because Jiiya wanted me to…” she stoppped. “I came to look at the Book of Furinkan too!” She backed up, nervously. “I have to go. Have to be somewhere. Goodbye!” She sprang onto her horse and galloped away.

“Oi, what’s with the weasel girl?” demanded Yahiko.

And in the royal palace of Furinkan…

“Father, has the messenger from Seyruun arrived yet?” The princess wore a dull black leotard, with a pattern of roses in shining black damask. In defiance of local custom, which required a bowl-cut for females, her raven hair was gathered in a shoulder-length ponytail at the side of her head. She tapped a black rose against her full, crimson lips.

“’Dat’s right, wahine,” the king replied. He lounged on the throne clad in shorts and a loose shirt bearing a pattern of palm-trees on a vivid orange-and-pink background, and sipped from a tall, iced drink with a little umbrella in the glass. In place of a crown, a small palm tree appeared to grow from his head. “Looks like Okina sent his own granddaughter!”

“Meaning that Seyruun still isn’t convinced of our hostile intentions?” the princess asked.

“I dunno.” The king laughed. “Dat Okina’s a smart ol’makua, he don’t fall for every trick.” He leaned forward. “But no matter what Seyruun do, one day we buzz-cut every keike in da world!”

“Exactly, father,” the princess agreed. Father and daughter burst into manic laughter. “But about their messenger…?”

“Ah, we can handle a wahine or two,” the king replied. “We take Okina’s granddaughter hostage, give her a bowl-cut, then attack Seyruun, right?”

“I’ve heard that Okina’s granddaughter is a priestess and a skilled mahoutsukai,” the princess objected. “What if she isn’t that easy to capture?”

“It don’t matter how good she is,” the king scoffed. “We got a mahoutsukai of our own now. Right, mahoutsukai-san?”

A figure stepped out from behind the curtains. He was tall, and wore a white trench coat.

“How beautiful!” the princess sighed, gazing at the sculptured marble features of Aoshi Shinomori…

“Misao was acting pretty strange,” Kaoru observed.

“Well, she always acts sorta strange,” Yahiko replied. “But ya gotta admit, that was weird even for her.”

“She was acting like she’s involved in something,” Kaoru went on. “That’s it, she’s up to something and she doesn’t want us mixed up in it. That’s why she went off like that. That’s the only thing I can think of! But she swore she’d always follow me!”

Kenshin sighed and sweatdropped.

“When did she swear that, Busu?” Yahoko demanded.

Kaoru wasn’t listening. “Anyway, now that we know, we’re gonna help her out!”

“Oro…” Kenshin groaned.

“Besides, if things work out right, I can get a special look at the Book of Furinkan!”

“Just what is the Book of Furinkan anyway?” asked Yahiko.

Kaoru smashed her bokken over his head. “I explained that already! Getting a look at it’s the whole reason I came to this place! Like I told you before, of all the books of powerful techniques, the most famous is the Claire Bible that’s connected with the revival of the Dark Lord Shabranigdo a thousand years ago. And the Book of Furinkan’s supposed to be almost as valuable. It was entrusted to this kingdom and they only let the public see it once every 50 years.”

Flanked by a guard of honor, Misao strode through the corridors of the palace, nervously clutching the scroll her grandfather had sent. I wish I could have been more honest with Kaoru-san, she sighed. Still, I’m here as an ambassador from Seyruun, and I’m supposed to keep a war from breaking out, not start one – and that’s what would probably happen if Kaoru-san got involved here!

Trumpets blared a fanfare, and Misao Makimachi, princess and envoy of Seyruun, stepped into the throne room.

“Hey, wahine!” the king bellowed. “Welcome to my li’l grass shack!”

Misao sweatdropped. Then she took a determined step forward and unrolled the scroll. “King Kunou!” she exclaimed. “We have evidence that you are building an army far above what our treaty allows! If you continue with your military buildup, Seyruun will consider you an enemy!”

The king waved his drink in her direction. “You got it wrong, wahine! We ain’t buildin’ no army. Dem boys ain’t troops, dey’s barbers!”

“Silence!” Misao snapped. “Your buildup is seen as a threat by other countries. If you create unnecessary tensions, a war will eventually break out. When that happens, do you intend to take responsibility?”

“Ohohohoho!” trilled a female voice. The air was suddenly filled with a blizzard of black rose petals. “We won’t take orders from anyone!” Twirling a gymnast’s ribbon, the princess leaped down from the chandelier, landing in a perfect dismount. The trumpeters all held up signs reading “10.” “Our mission is to conquer the world!”

“Conquer the world?” Misao repeated.

“Dat right!” exclaimed the king. “Just like my Kodachi said! We give all da keike buzz-cuts an’all da wahine bowl-cuts!” He snapped his fingers. Scrolls unfurled from the ceiling, showing a boy with close-cropped hair and a girl with her hair cut short like a small child’s.

“And sooner or later,” Kodachi went on, “the biggest threat to our plans will be Seyruun!”

“Not only do you want to take over the world,” cried Misao, “but you want to cut off everyone’s hair? By any name, that’s evil! Don’t you know a girl’s hair is her life? Heaven may forgive you, but Misao Makimachi will not!”

“Ohohoho!” trilled Kodachi. “The very words I was waiting to hear! Guards! Take her!”

In an instant, Misao stood in the midst of a circle of spearpoints. She raised her hands.

Burst Rondo!

Guards flew in every direction.

“It looks like the princess is a powerful onna-mahoutsukai after all,” Kodachi murmured. “But we have a mahoutsukai of our own.” She pursed her lips and whistled.

His trenchcoat fluttering, Aoshi Shinomori walked slowly toward Misao.

The princess took a step backwards, her eyes wide. “A-Aoshi-sama?”

“To think we would meeet again like this,” the chimaera murmured. “Such is destiny.”

“Aoshi-sama, what are you doing here?”

“I’m working for Furinkan,” he replied. “In other words, you and I are enemies!”

“No…” Misao whispered.

“Lately I’d almost started to think of myself as an easygoing sort of person,” Aoshi went on, “but this is my true nature!”

Misao backed up, hands presssed to her mouth. “Oh, for two people who once fought side by side in the name of Justice to have to meet again in battle! What a tragic situation!”

Aoshi face-faulted, but recovered quickly. “You know my strength, Misao.”

I couldn’t seriously fight someone who saved my life, Misao thought, but if I show him any mercy there’s no way I can win! Still, if I appeal to him as an old friend he’ll see the big picture and realize that Justice is – when did this happen!? She looked down to see that she was securely bound with ropes, her arms fast to her sides so she could neither fight nor use magic. “A clever plan, Aoshi-sama!” she exclaimed. “Using my love of Justice against me!”

Kodachi gazed adoringly at the marble chimaera.

They carried Misao to the top of the central clock tower, still bound, and hung her from the ceiling beams. She gazed mournfully out the windows. “Here I am, imprisoned for the sake of Justice. How beautiful…”

“Should you really be so happy about your situation?” Kodachi pointed out.

“Right!” cried Misao. “When you think about it, this isn’t how I’m supposed to act! I want to be the hero who rescues the captured princess!”

Aoshi, sitting on the window ledge, stared into unguessable distances.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kodachi sneered, “but now Seyruun will have to do what we say!”

“No way!” Misao retorted. “I may be caught up in your plot, but Justice will triumph in the end! I may be imprisoned for now, but someone will save me!”

“Ohohohoho!” Kodachi’s laugh swirled around her like black rose petals. “I think not… when we send them your precious braid!”

“Good wahine oughtta wear a bowl-cut,” chortled the king, brandishing a pair of hair clippers.

BOOM! An explosion rocked the tower.

“Is it a sneak attack by Seyruun?” demanded Kodachi.

The “signature” of the explosion was as familiar to Misao as her own. “It can’t be!”

Mega Brand!

The top blew off the tower!

A figure leaped out of the dust – a young woman in the white gi and blue hakama of a kendoka. Her long black hair was dorned with a blue bow, and she held a bokken in her hands. “I came to save you, Misao!”

“Who dat wahine?” the king demanded.

“I’m the beautiful kenjutsu komachi, Kaoru Kamiya!”

“Oi,” Yahiko put in.

Kaoru bonked him over the head with her bokken. “Don’t interrupt!”

“Hey, Busu!” the boy replied. “I think you just blew up the weasel girl along with the two weirdos.”

Kaoru rushed to her friend’s side. “Are you all right, Misao?”

“No I’m not!” Misao snapped. “Kaoru-san, how could you do that!”

Kaoru rubbed the back of her head. “Sorry. I hadn’t used that much power in a while. Besides, I was worried about you.”

“That’s no excuse!” the princess sputtered.

Kaoru turned to face the king. “Anyway, I heard the whole story! Your evil scheme ends here!”

The king was shaking. “Kaoru Kamiya? Dis li’l wahine’s da human typhoon, da enemy of ever’body livin’? Kaoru Kamiya, da Dragon Spooker?”

“Shut up!” Kaoru raged.

“Get her!” the king raged. A squad of guards charged in response to his order.

Kenshin drew his sakabatou and flashed through the onrushing guards. They collapsed in a heap in front of the king. “Please forgive sessha for not introducing myself,” he murmured. “Sessha is called Kenshin Himura.”

“Aoshi-sama!” Kodachi ordered.

Aoshi appeared, standing on the base of the shattered tower.

“Kaoru-san, Aoshi-sama is working for them!” cried Misao. “He even called me an enemy!”

Aoshi jumped down from his perch, the blades of his kodachi flashing in the sun. “Having accepted this contract, as long as my employers do not betray me, I cannot betray them,” he announced.

“What an admirable ethic!” Kodachi applauded.

“Kaoru Kamiya, I’m afraid I must take your life,” Aoshi went on.

“Hold it, Aoshi!” Yahiko yelled. “Are you serious?”

“I’m doing this so I can regain my human form,” the chimaera replied.

“Regain your human form?” Kaoru blinked.

“Yes. Princess Kodachi assured me that a technique to undo my curse can be found in the Book of Furinkan, and in return for my protection, she will allow me to learn it.”

“You’re talking about this book?” Kaoru held up a thick volume.

“Where you get dat?!” the king roared. “Dat da holy Book of Furinkan!”

Kaoru shrugged. “I found it when I was sneaking into the castle. I didn’t want to take the chance of it falling into the wrong hands, so I brought it along.”

“Kaoru-san, you mean you didn’t come because you were worried and wanted to save me?” Misao sniffled.

Kaoru gave a nervous laugh. “Well, I guess that’s one way to think of it… the point is, this book won’t do Aoshi any good. The only techniques in it are for making golems.”

Unnoticed by Kaoru or her friends, Kodachi began to slink away.

The king waved his hands. “Hey, dat don’mean…”

The point of Aoshi’s weapon gleamed a scant sun from his nose. “In that case, I won’t support you and your evil plans any longer.”

“Sheesh, how’d I know he was gonna do that?” Yahiko sighed.

The king bolted.

“He’s getting away!” cried Misao.

“After him!” Kaoru yelled.

In a hidden chamber deep below the palace, Kodachi pulled a lever. Around her feet, magical diagrams flared into life. Wheels turned and pistons pumped up and down, sending a kind of artificial life through a creature that had not moved for centuries. Her mad laughter echoed from metal walls.

“You’ve got five choices,” Kaoru told the cowering king. “One, I can punish you. Two, Kenshin can punish you. Three, Misao can punish you. Four, Aoshi can punish you.”

“And five, I can punish him?” asked Yahiko, cracking his knuckles.

She whacked him over the head. “You have to get stronger before you can punish anybody. No, five, we all punish him.”

Kodachi raced up flight after flight of stairs, to a more or less round chamber lined with levers and knobs. She sat in the room’s only chair and began to work the controls.

“So which is it going to be?” Kaoru demanded. A loud rumbling filled the air; under her feet the ground shook. “Huh?”

The king threw back his head and laughed like a maniac. “Dat’s da ultimate weapon in da Book of Furinkan!” he roared. “C’mon out, Orihalcon Venus A!”

A figure burst through the roof of the palace and towered over them. It had the silhouette of a shapely woman

“Is that what the book of Furinkan’s about?” Yahiko gulped.

“The golem’s orihalcon body will reflect common spells,” Kodachi’s magically amplified voice echoed around them, “and it can withstand direct attacks as well.”

“Oh, da golem’s woke up from his t’ousand year nap!” the king chortled.

“Leave this to me, Otousama!” Kodachi cried.

“So that’s where she ran off to,” muttered Misao.

A round projection, like the muzzle of a cannon, appeared in the center of the golem’s chest. From it a ray of blue light blasted, and blew the top off one of the nearby mountains.

“Ohohohoho, prepare to die!” Kodachi shrilled, and pressed the button to trigger the devastating weapon again. But instead of the blue ray, smoke poured from the golem’s joints. Slowly, the huge machine toppled to the ground. Kaoru and her friends scattered to safety as the invincible orihalcon golem fell on what was left of the palace.

“When you think about it, that golem was passed down along with the book,” Kaoru mused. “It must have been really old.”

“Are you just going to stand there?” Kodachi shrieked. “Do something!” The golem’s power core had gone wild, its blue beam slicing through everything in its path. “It’s out of control!”

“How would you stop it, Aoshi-sama?” Misao asked.

“If common techniques and direct attacks don’t work…” Aoshi began.

“Then you have to use an uncommon technique!” Kaoru finished.

“I was afraid she was gonna say that,” muttered Yahiko, looking around for a safe place to hide.

Kaoru jumped to the top of a ruined wall, drew her bokken, and began her incantation. Rays of crimson light streamed into the weapon as it gathered power.

Darkness beyond twilight,
crimson beyond blood that flows,
buried in the flow of time,
in thy great name I pledge myself to Darkness.
All the fools who stand in our way will be destroyed,
by the power that you and I possess.
DRAGON SLAVE!

Golem and palace vanished in a ball of scarlet fire.

Kaoru stared at the smoking crater that had been the palace of Furinkan. “Well, if they were lucky they’ll be OK, won’t they?”

“At the very least, we definitely destroyed evil here,” murmured Misao. She sounded depressed.

“Why so down, Misao?”

“I was supposed to prevent a war, not start one! – even if we won it right away!” the princess wailed. “I can’t go back to Seyruun like this!”

“Oh well,” the king of Furinkan grinned. “you build wit’stone it just hurts w’en it falls down on yo’head! Ever’body oughtta live in grass shacks!” He picked up a ukulele and began to strum tunelessly. “Dat’s right, ever’body gonna live in grass shacks now!”

“Just wait, Kaoru Kamiya!” Kodachi hissed. “I will have my revenge! Ohohohohoho!” Black rose petals blew across the ruins of Furinkan.

NOTES, EXPLANATIONS ETC.

The adventure continues! Kaoru and her friends are off on a quest to find the most powerful magical text in the world, the legendary Claire Bible, which holds the key to (among other things) curing Aoshi’s curse. But a mysterious policeman has an agenda of his own, and before the series ends the fate of the world – of all creation – will once again depend on the power of Kaoru Kamiya and Kenshin Himura!

I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do with some of the storylines. There will be a lot more deviation from Slayers canon this time around; for one thing, you’ll see a great deal less of Martina/Kodachi. I don’t think she does a great deal for the story (a lot of her eps are actually rewrites of what were, in novel/manga canon, Lina-Naga stories), and the Monstrous Zoamelgustar doesn’t fit here at all. She may pop up a couple more times, though. A few other episodes will be replaced by incidents from the Kenshin series, completely rewritten, or maybe even omitted altogether.

The brawling bullies in the opening scene are, of course, the Freedom and Civil Rights enforcers from Sano’s introductory episode (with a slightly different agenda), and the dysfunctional ruling family is from Ranma ½. I haven’t stolen nearly enough from Ranma so far in this series; it’s a deficiency I plan to remedy. Orihalcon Venus A is (as you may be able to tell from the illo) a Slayerization of a robot from Go Nagai’s Mazinger series. I needed a mecha, and since Mazinger Z was the worst anime I’ve ever seen in my life… but in hunting for images I tripped over Venus A and thought it was much more Kodachi-ish.

Watch for more of those nodding cows, each of a different color. In this universe there are many Sekihara sisters, and all of them run beef hot-pot restaurants. They all have similar taste in men too; good thing so many copy-Katsus survived the destruction of Sairaag.

Kunou-kachou’s mangling of the Hawaiian language is probably a Viz invention, but I’ve taken the liberty of carrying it on. A makua is an elder.